


Coming Out of the Bathroom

by emirain



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Bathrooms, Coming Out, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attack, Subway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 02:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11026953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emirain/pseuds/emirain
Summary: Ethan comes out of the closet (or in this case, the bathroom).For this tumblr prompt: "Or or ORRRR, you could write about Ethan coming out as gay and his reaction when for the first time in his life he wasn't shunned or told he was wrong because the team is chill"





	Coming Out of the Bathroom

Ethan felt his heart beat sync to the sound of water dripping from the faucet.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. 

He felt his face go hot; the water he’d just splashed on himself didn’t seem to be helping at all.

He forbid himself to begin crying again, but the anxious feelings building up inside him were hard to endure. 

Memories of kids in high school were racing through his mind faster than he could help. Don’t even think about what happened that night. Don’t. Don’t.

Except evidently, trying not to think about something makes it more difficult to not think about it.

He found it harder to breathe as he practically relived sprinting into the bathroom in the middle of a party at the end of his junior year. He felt the same hot tears streaming down his face as he did then, after being laughed at by his best friend and hundreds of other people.

He felt just as sick as he had when he’d quietly confessed his feelings to his best friends in the corner, then shoved and called “a disgusting f**got”.

Ethan gasped for air and harshly wiped his wet face off with a hand towel, though he was sobbing now.

Nauseated, he sat down on the closed toilet seat and shut his eyes tightly.

He remembered sobbing in the bathroom just like now at that party, his friend drunkenly telling everyone else about it loud enough to be heard through the door. 

Nobody’s laughs hurt him as much as his best friend’s did that night.

He didn’t go to another party for a year after that, but the taunting was relentless no matter how much time passed. Though most of the school had attended the party anyways, high school rumors spread like wildfire.

He’d occasionally find notes in his locker from jocks mockingly asking him out, or get disgusted looks from people passing by, not to mention the big red spray paint on his locker the following Monday, which simply read “HOMO”.

It definitely didn’t help that the school decided it could wait a whole week to be cleaned off of his locker, and that his parents just had why Jason didn’t come over for dinner anymore.

Not like Ethan could tell them the reason. Not like he could say that he’d been in love with Jason. Not like he could say nobody, let alone his best friend, would even talk to him anymore unless it was unavoidable.

As it would turn out, though, it didn’t matter that Ethan didn’t tell them.

It didn’t matter that Ethan hid everything about himself from his parents for two years after that, because his mother would end up directly asking him anyways.

She would end up yelling at him for hours to just answer, insisting she didn’t care either way. Insisting she just wished Ethan would tell the truth.

Ethan sat locked in his bathroom for hours, forced to listen to his mother’s begging for the truth.

She never mentioned that the “truth”, once it came out, would end up getting Ethan kicked out and forced to go live with his dad.

“Please mom,” Ethan had begged, “Don’t tell him why.”

He knew for a fact his father wouldn’t take him either if he knew.

His mother was gracious enough to agree, but Ethan would never forget the pain he felt seeing his brother’s face as he said goodbye.

His brother had been looking at him like a stranger.

The brief hug they shared before Ethan left was stiff and one-sided.

Then, once he was finally settled and living with his dad, there was the confused remark his dad made after Ethan dyed his hair bright blue.

“Ain’t that stuff for queers, kiddo?”

Ethan hadn’t noticed that now, in the office bathroom, his lip had begun bleeding.

He hadn’t even known he was biting it.

He opened his eyes slowly, the taste of snot, tears, and blood sour on his tongue.

Fifteen minutes, two boxes of tissues, and countless attempts at regulating his breathing later, Ethan heard a knock on the door.

“Jesus, Ethan, you done yet?” Mark called from a distance, “We’ve been out for half an hour.”

Tyler was the one at the door, though, and he knocked once more. “We got Subway, are you gonna be out soon?”

“Yeah,” Ethan’s voice was ironically cool, “One second.”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The faucet was still dripping. Ethan stood, satisfied with how he looked overall fine now, then turned the faucet knob tighter to stop the dripping.

His panic attack had made him feel like he was hit by a truck, but nonetheless, he exited the bathroom with the most confident stride he could manage.

“Can the Subway wait for a second?” Ethan asked the team, watching Amy and Kathryn look up from the still-wrapped sandwiches.

Mark began to say, “Fuck no” but stopped himself halfway through. Ethan must’ve looked as hopeless and broken as he felt.

“Yeah,” Kathryn answered softly for all of them, “What’s up?”

Tyler had turned around in his office chair, intently listening, and Mark was slowly setting down a wrapped foot-long on the table.

No going back now. 

Even if Ethan backed out and said “nevermind”, he clearly looked like shit and those kinds of friends don’t leave you alone until you tell them what’s wrong.

Ethan took his six-hundredth deep breath that day and shakily said, “I need to tell you guys something.”

His voice broke a little, but he’d already cried every tear his body could produce. No need to worry about breaking down once you’ve already completely broke.

He wished somebody would respond and say that whatever he needed to tell them, he could, but they were probably all too worried to talk now.

One more deep breath.

He’d get it out as quickly as possible, like downing horrible tasting medicine.

“I’m gay.”

He said it as clear as he could, because he felt he’d explode if he ever had to repeat those words again.

Or face the consequences.

Except, oh god, nobody had heard him.

Everyone’s expressions were just confused or the same as before. He had to repeat himself anyways.

“I,” Ethan choked back tears he hadn’t thought possible, “I said I’m gay!’ He snapped. He wanted the consequences already, he’d never had to wait this long before.

“You don’t have to yell, Ethan,” Tyler said softly, smiling just slightly, “We heard you the first time.

“I’m pretty sure the office next door did too,” Kathryn laughed lightly. 

And then all four of them were smiling and Ethan collapsed to the floor, no longer trying to hold back his tears.

Shocked by his crying, the team was immediately knelt down beside him floor.

“Ethan,” Amy tried softly, rubbing his back, “What’s wrong? You know we still think you’re awesome, right? Ethan?”

Ethan was crying too hard to answer.

Mark was trying to get their blue haired friend to look up at them. “Ethan, it’s okay,” he insisted, almost argumentatively, “This doesn’t change anything, okay?”

Ethan finally looked up, face wet and flushed red. “But I’m gay,” he croaked, saying the last word like it was a synonym for rapist or murderer or something heinous.

“Yeah, you are,” Tyler was tearing up a bit, hating to see Ethan cry so hard. He pulled the younger man into a hug and rubbed his blue hair, “And we love you. So cut it out, okay?”

Ethan said nothing, and he was still crying, but he had obviously realized the team wasn’t lying. He relaxed into Tyler’s embrace, giggling through his tears as Mark, Amy, and Kathryn wrapped around him as well in a group hug.

They stayed like that until Ethan could breathe again, then slowly pulled away. Mark patted Ethan on the back reassuringly, “Ready for Subway?”

Ethan looked down and blushed with a smile. “Actually, I have to go pee really quick,” he admitted sheepishly.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Kathryn said and groaned in unison with the rest of the team.

Ethan just laughed and insisted he’d only be a second, before disappearing into the bathroom.

He didn’t need to mention that the half hour he’d spent in there before was having a panic attack, not peeing. He didn’t need to tell them why he’d been terrified of coming out since he’d moved to LA or contemplated killing himself multiple times.

He didn’t need to tell them any of that, because all of that was behind him. He was with Tyler, Mark, Kathryn, and Amy now, and they loved him for who he was.

And he was absolutely, completely, really fucking gay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading <3 Maybe leave a comment and let me know what you thought of it?


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